


Dead TV Lesbian Characters Anonymous

by 69reggaetongirl



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Stop Killing Queer Characters, bury your gays, lexa deserved better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2019-02-04 08:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12766923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/69reggaetongirl/pseuds/69reggaetongirl
Summary: Crackfic ! Lexa joins the "Dead TV Lesbian Characters Anonymous support group" after her death on the TV Show, "The 100" Multi-fandom fic.





	1. The Newbie

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crackfic based on Sally's comment about this article on Autostraddle : http://www.autostraddle.com/100-storylines-we-brainstormed-in-5-minutes-that-dont-involve-dead-lesbians-330245/ She wrote : "Currently trying to process by making up a story where all the dead TV lesbians sit around at a Dead Lesbians Anonymous support group, trying to process what the fuck is going on with this world".
> 
> Sally, whoever you are, wherever you are, thank you and I love you. This is the best idea ever ;) ! Multi-fandom fic. SPOILER ALERT if you're not up to date in the following TV shows : Xena warrior princess, Orphan Black, The 100, Defiance, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, The L Word, Skins, Buffy the vampire slayer, Chicago fire, Lip Service, Marvel's Agent of Shield, Spartacus : Gods of the Arena, Los Hombres de Paco and Lost Girl.

In an abandoned studio, located somewhere in the darkest corner of Vancouver, Canada.

-"Ladies, please, take your sits quickly. We have a new member today who I'm sure, is dying to meet us. Pun not intended".

-"Not intended ? Please, Xena, you make this one every time we welcome a new member".

-"Maya ? Don't start".

-"I hope she's cute"

-"Seriously, Sophie Anne ?"

-"What ?"

Queen Sophie Anne didn't have the time to respond when a light knock echoed in the room.

-"Shhhs ! She's here !" Dana Fairbanks whispered loudly.

-"Come in !" Xena said while motioning frantically to the other women to sit.

-"Hi. My name is Lexa. When I died on my TV show last week, they told me to make a stop here but I admit that I don't really know where I am".

"Welcome Lexa," Xena spoke calmly. "Please, take a sit, I'll explain everything."

Lexa hesitated. There were two chairs available in the circle. The first one was just two sits from her right but the blonde woman that would be sitting on her left was looking at her with predatory eyes and a devil smirk. Oh my God, are those fangs ? she thought fast and took the second chair in the opposite direction.

-"Lexa, let me introduce you to the Dead TV Lesbian Characters support group. Here, we meet every Wednesday afternoon to help each other process our death in the TV show we were starring".

-"I still think we should rename the group Dead TV Queer Characters. Not everyone here is a lesbian" Jenny Schecter interrupted angrily.

-"Kenya, we talked about this numerous times. We can't replace "lesbian" with "queer" because then men will be part of the group too and we already have barely enough room as it is !" Xena answered exasperated. "We welcome all sexual identities whereas you wouldn't be there and Cece neither.

-"It's Jenny !"

"Stop yelling" said Sophie Anne smoothly. "You're going to frighten our cute little newbie here," she added with a devious smirk and a wink in Lexa's direction.

-"Yeah, not our fault that your actress enjoy to be killed on a regular basis..."

-"Maya ! What did I said earlier ?" Xena said in a firm tone.

-"Yeah, don't start, sorry," Maya St Germain mumbled.

-"So, if we all have been killed in our respective TV shows, why are we still alive ?" Lexa suddenly spoke, making all the group look at her again.

"That's because once you're created, you enter what is called the collective imagination." Xena answered. "No matter what happens to you, you still live in all the humans mind. In their memories. They still can remember you, talk about you. They can even reborn you by writing you a prequel of your adventures before your death or fanfictions that ignore your canon death.

At that, Victoria Hand stood up abruptly.

-"No, no, no, no. Enough with the fanfictions ! If I see another high school alternative universe I swear I'm going to kill the author myself !" she all but shouted in the stunned room. "I know that I age well, thank you very much, but I don't need to be reminded of the worst period of my life every damn sentence !"

-"Victoria," Xena went on, unfazed. "You will have plenty of time to share your struggles with the group later. Now, it's all about welcoming our new member appropriately. So, Lexa. What can you tell us about yourself ?"

-"I'm from the TV show The 100 which tells the story of a post-apocalyptic world" Lexa begun. "The survivors fled from the catastrophe and lived in space for almost hundred years. But then, the spaceship starts to running out of oxygen so they send a group of young delinquents to test if Earth is habitable again. When the group of teenagers land on Earth, they learn the hard way that they're not alone".

-"Great, another sci-fi TV show which, instead of detach itself from reality by creating brand new worlds just perpetuate the worst clichés and failures of our own" a very annoyed Naomi Campbell intervened. "Seriously, can't they do parallel worlds where the slaves are white or the lesbian make it through the third season ?"

-"Let's talk about something less depressing" Dana Fairbanks said suddenly. "Did you have a pretty girlfriend on your show ?"

-"Yes. Her name is Clarke" Lexa answered, a ghost of a smile at the corner of her lips.

-"What she looks like ?" Dana asked with fascinated eyes and a broad smile.

-"She's blonde. Has beautiful blue eyes..." Lexa stopped talking, lost in her thoughts of Clarke.

-"Aww, don't worry kitten" said Sophie Anne looking at Lexa with her head tilted to the side. "She will join you sooner than later," she went on, taking a sip of her blood colored cocktail.

-"Sophie Anne ! That's totally insensitive to say !" Dana shouted. "Even for you," she then mumbled with a disapproving glare to the Queen.

-"So ?" the vampire replied nonchalantly. "It's the truth. We will all end up here. It's just a matter of time, c'est la vie".

-"I admit it wouldn't be so bad to have a girlfriend here," Kenya said, smirking at Gaia who reminded Kenya pleasantly of her ex lover, Stahma Tarr.

-"And with the way some show runners treat us, it sometimes better to be dead," her twin sister Jenny, added, sighting.

-"Amen" Shana agreed solemnly.

The dead silence that followed Jenny's statement was brutally interrupted when the door busted open in a loud bang.

-"Okay guys, you really have to take me in. I just can't stand it anymore !" a very desperate Emma Swan said loudly before letting herself drop on the first chair available.

-"Emma, we discussed this numerous times already" Xena said wearily. "A character assassination doesn't count as a real death." She straightened herself on her chair and added more firmly, looking directly at Emma : "You should return to your group now."

-"No please !" Emma shouted at the verge of crying. I don't belong there. Everybody keeps complaining, wondering who they are, what are they making those horrible choices..." she explained exasperated. "I know who I am ! I'm bisexual and in love with Regina Mills !" She said more confidently this time. "Why the writers of my show can't see that ?" she then whined.

-"Your show got renewed for another season, right ?" Xena asked Emma who nodded yes. "So give them time, they will see it soon" Xena finished, sighting.

-"But meanwhile I'm bored to death in my group !" Emma whined again. "Hey, does that count as a fictional death ?" She then added smiling broadly, proud of her pun.

-"Emma, get out !" Xena shouted exasperated this time.

-"Okay, okay, I'm on my way" Emma said, finally giving up.

After Emma Swan exited the room, Xena looked at the clock and stood up abruptly.

-"Girls" she said, "we have to clean the room for the queerbaiting group and we're running late". Everyone started gathering their stuff and cleaning the two tables at the back of the room where the members lay some food and drinks. Xena then walked toward Lexa.

-"Our next session will be next Wednesday at 15pm" Xena said to Lexa. "If you come, we will start with your story, okay ?" At Lexa's furrowed brow, Xena specified : "I mean that you could tell the group how you died on your TV show, what got you happy or upset about it... You can write everything on a paper if it helps you".

-"Oh, no problem. I'll be there" Lexa answered.


	2. Lexa's story

"Welcome ladies and thank you for coming" Xena, the president of the Dead TV Lesbian Characters support group said. "Today we're going to hear Lexa's story, how she died and what she thinks about it". Then, turning toward Lexa : "Start whenever you're ready kid". Lexa nodded and cleared her throat.

-"Hi, I'm Lexa".

-"Hi Lexa" the members of the support group answered in chorus.

-"Last time I didn't tell you how I died on my TV show" Lexa begun her story, her voice calm and her body perfectly relaxed as if she were still The Commander talking to her people. "I don't know if it happened to either one of you or if it's a common death on TV, anyway it isn't in my world because we don't use that kind of weapons. So, you could say I was a little surprised when I was hit by a stray bullet".

-"Oh sweetie, that's a classic around here" Sophie Anne said, chuckling lightly.

-"Tell me about it," Sylvia Castro León added wearily.

-"That, and the cancer storyline," Naomi added bitterly.

-"Guys, let the girl talk please" Xena intervened. "Go on Lexa. Tell us what you feel about your fictional death" she continued.  
-"I'm not surprised nor sad about my fate" Lexa started again. "In our culture, death is not the end. In fact, me being there is proof that this statement has never been so true". She took a breath, her brow furrowing a little. "Something bother me though, about the way I died".

The room was perfectly silent. Every eyes were on Lexa, waiting for her to continue, to say why she came here, why they all formed the group in the first place.

"You don't know me very well but in my TV show, I was a leader. The commander of thirteen clans" Lexa said, her voice suddenly trembling with anger. "I always pictured my death as one of a warrior. In the middle of an epic battle, fighting for my people and at the hands of a nemesis worthy of my respect". Lexa was now clenching her hands so tight that her knuckles were starting to turn white. "I could have accepted a different demise if it means that I protected my love, Clarke". She relaxed her hands, her watering eyes now fixated on the ground. "That's not what happened" she continued, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "I opened the door, and she was there. Threatened by a man I could trust with my life. I didn't have time to do anything that it was already over". At that, she stood up abruptly. "I walked through a door and I just... died. My death was an accident" she finished with a watery laugh. How stupid is that ?" she all but shouted in the quiet room.

Suddenly, the loud noise of someone blowing their nose disturbed the heavy atmosphere.

-"You would think that after all these years it would hurt less" Tara Maclay said between two sobs.

-"Tara has almost the same story has yours" Xena explained, patting Tara's shoulder. "You could help each other out. "You can also turn to Delphine who died from an intended bullet and is not so old in the group either" Xena finished.

-"Hum, I don't think so" Delphine Cormier said, looking at her nails nonchalantly.

-"Oh and why not ? Xena asked amused.

-"Well, because my stay here is only temporary" Delphine replied matter-of-factly.

-"Girl, you have been shot in the stomach at close range" Leslie Shay intervened. "Your chance of survival are almost inexistent".

-"Almost" Delphine answered smirking. Leslie just rolled her eyes, giving up reasoning the arrogant French. "Plus," Delphine went on, " the season ended before my body was found so technically, there is no corpse yet. So, I could still be alive in the next season". She leaned back, her elbows on the back of the chair : "my death was just a cliff-hanger" she added with a shameless smile.

-"Watch out Blondie," Jenny Shecter suddenly spoke, her voice cold as steel. "You better start playing nice because what will likely happen is that you will stay here and your sick girlfriend, Cosima, I think ? Will join you soon enough".

-"Don't you dare !" Delphine shouted standing up and knocking back her chair in the process.

-"What are you going to do Blondie ? Kill me ?" Jenny replied cockily, standing up too. "Well, guess what ? I'm already dead ! We all are !" she then yelled in Delphine face.

-"Girls, calm down now !" Xena shouted.

-"Oh I think I get it" Delphine said, ignoring Xena. "You're jealous" she added smiling wickedly. "Because you know I still have a chance to get back on my show whereas your creator didn't bother to give you a proper death".

-"Shut up bitch !" Jenny screamed beside herself.

Delphine just laughed cruelly. "You just... disappear" she added mimicking a magical "pouf" with her hands. Jenny couldn't take it anymore. She launched herself at Delphine, ready to silence her. After a few minutes of struggle, Xena and Leslie managed to separate them.

-"Is that possible ?" Lexa asked, totally unfazed by the fight that take place just mere seconds ago.

-"What, ma chérie ?" inquired Sophie Anne.

"To come back" Lexa answered, curious. "I mean, did someone actually got back to their show ?".

Everybody was now looking anywhere beside Lexa, nobody wanting to crush the newbie's hope.

-"HG Wells came back," Cat MacKenzie whispered, eyes open wide as if she had said something she shouldn't have.

-"So what ?" Tara Thornton interrupted. "I came back too. Just to end up here anyway. Then, mocking her show's writers with a high pitched voice and ridiculous gesture : "If it's not the stray bullet, it's the virus ! Yeah !"

-"They always find a way to get rid of you" Tamsin added solemnly.

-"HG Wells ?" Lexa inquired. "How did she do it ?"

-"Time travel" Xena answered. "One of the main character came back in time before she died, so her death technically never happened".

-"She's the only one who managed to get out of here" Cat said, still in awe of HG Wells exit from the group.

-"Well, permanently at least" Tara Thornton added. "Her show is cancelled now, so she's not likely to die anytime soon" she finished bitterly, thinking of her lost opportunity to live.

-"Don't get your hopes up kid" Victoria Hand intervened, blasé. "What happened to HG Wells is so rare, one could think it's a legend we made up to feel better about our deaths".

-"Pfft, a legend" Naomi said laughing. "She may have succeeded to get away from here but her fate is not better than ours" she finished cynically.

-"What do you mean ?" Lexa asked, curious.

-"She's only two rooms away from here," Xena answered sighting. "In the character assassination group to be exact".

-"Listen carefully, newbie" Sophie Anne said swirling her drink in her hand. "That's the most important lesson you will learn here". She leaned forward in her seat and looked directly in Lexa's eyes. "We can't have it all" she whispered finally with an evil smile.

-"Don't listen to her!" Dana shouted suddenly, glaring at the queen. "Happy endings are still possible for lesbian on TV" she went on, a look full of hope in her eyes.

-"Yeah, but how many of us still needs to pay with their life for a few happily ever after? Naomi interrupted wearily. "We can't all be Santana and Brittany!" she finished exasperated.

Dana didn't have time to answer Naomi. The door flung open and a red leather tornado entered the room.

-"Someone mentioned happy endings ? That's kinda my thing..." Emma said, a little out of breath from her sudden entrance.

-"Swan, get out !" the girls all shouted in chorus.

After Emma Swan exited the room dragging her feet and mumbling to herself, Xena stood up.

-"On our last session, we ran out of time and had to part a little abruptly. Consequently, we forgot to teach Lexa our anthem" the president said. "So, girls" she went on, extending her hands. "Let's do it". Everybody got up and joined hands :

"We are dead and we are proud,  
Canon will not take us out,

They killed us and we took the blow,  
But to heteronormativity we won't bow !"


	3. Happy New year 2017 !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I marked this story as complete but I wanted to do a little something for the New Year and since TV shows are still killing queer characters, this kind of stories will unfortunately never truly end I guess. I also know that it's late February already but I had a lot on my plate lately and didn't found time to continue this until now. SPOILER ALERT for the same shows from chapters 1 and 2 plus Empire, Person Of Interest, Supernatural, Orange Is The New Black, Supergirl, Wynonna Earp, Under The Dome and The Walking Dead. Well, I won't keep you waiting any longer, enjoy ! ;)

-"Welcome everybody for this first session of 2017" Xena started the meeting. "I wish you all a happy new year and hope this year will be more merciful to Lesbians than the previous one".

-"Toast to that !" Samantha Groves alias "Root" shouted, raising her glass and soon imitated by all the women in the room.

-"Well, 2016 was kind of an improvement when you think about it" Charlie Bradbury interrupted smiling. "Statistically, 2016 has the higher rate of LGBTQ characters on television in history" she explained.

-"Yes, but the death rate for those characters is still incredibly high" Denise intervened.

-"Yeah, I agree with our one-eyed woman here" Root said after taking a sip of her drink. "We have to be careful with statistical data. It could mean anything. For example, if you have your head in the oven and your feet in the fridge, you're statistically moderately comfortable !" she finished laughing.

-"More seriously" Carolyn Hill said, still smiling form the joke, "Root is right. This increase of LGBTQ characters is often due to gay men and the death rate doesn't show that women of color are more likely to die in a TV show than their white counterparts.

-"Oh my God, this conversation is so boring" Mimi Whiteman suddenly exclaimed. "And I crushed old rich men's board meeting for a living" she added, getting up and walking toward the buffet. "Wait, where is the alcohol here ? I'm going to need some if we continue on this topic" she added, checking all the tables for her alcoholic Grail.

-"I don't think getting drunk will do you any good" Xena warned Mimi. The latter was already difficult and Xena wasn't willing to take the risk of knowing if the alcohol would improve or aggravate Mimi's behavior.

-"Why ? It's not like I'm going to die from cirrhosis of the liver" Mimi replied shrugging her shoulders and resuming her quest.

-"I think 2017 will be promising for us if we take into account that two lesbian cops were saved by their bulletproof vest lately" Poussey Washington tried to lighten up the mood.

-"It's not because TV writers just discovered that cops wear bulletproof vests on duty that lesbians won't still be dying on TV" Naomi Campbell pointed in a sarcastic tone that seemed to never leave her.

-"I'm actually against those vests" Queen Sophie Anne interrupted, making everyone look at her, confused.

-"What ?" she asked the room, offended. "Tell me you didn't all wished that the cute redhead sheriff would die so she could join us here !" she defended herself. A heavy silence followed her statement.

-"That's what I thought" the vampire said, triumphantly. "Kevlar is the worst crotch blocker ever".

Suddenly, the loud noise of someone blowing their nose echoed in the room.

-"I could have used a bulletproof vest on my show" Tara Maclay managed to say before burring her face in her tissue again.

-"Oh Jesus ! Sophie Anne sighed, exasperated. "Is she going to break down every time someone will refer closely or remotely to the way she died ?"

-"Please Sophie Anne" Xena warned. "Show some respect. Not everyone take their death as well as you".

-"Good thing she takes it well !" Maya St Germain said laughing. "She's a vampire ! Technically, she was already dead when she was still on her show. So she had more time than anyone else in here to get used to her own death".

-"What bothers me is that she makes a fuss about a stupid stray bullet" Sophie Anne spoke again. "That poor girl" she continued, motioning to Denise with her free hand, was shot in the eye by an arrow !" Then looking at Denise with an awful sympathetic face, she added : "That was really disgusting and traumatizing my dear, and I starred in a HBO show too".

At that, Lexa stood up unexpectedly. "Watch out demon" she said menacingly, gripping the handle of her sword. "It's not because we're stuck here on the land of the slain that I can't send you further away in the Underworld". God, she hated bullying.

-"Look at that" the vampire said smiling devilishly. "Someone is becoming big-headed. You think that your death generating the _Lexa Pledge_ and other _Clexacon_ makes you the boss of me ?" she added, taking a sip of her blood cocktail.

Xena stood up too, ready to separate the two strong headed women in the case the fight would turn ugly. Finally, the president of the group didn't have to intervene because the door busted open in a flash of red.

-"Did you know that I know a thing or two about the Underworld ? a slightly short of breath Emma Swan said. "I've been there myself".

-"Swan get out !" all the group shouted in unison and the red leather tornado was out of the room as fast as she came.

-"It may be 2017 already, but some things never change apparently", Xena said sighting and thinking about installing a lock on the door to prevent Emma Swan from entering ever again.

-"Sometimes it's better that way" Tricia said, moved. "I really feel like I found a family there, with all of you" she added at the verge of crying.

-"Girls, let's part on those beautiful words from our friend Tricia before the next group gets here" Xena announced. "But not before singing our anthem !"

At that, all the members got up and joigned hands :

"We are dead and we are proud,  
Canon will not take us out,

They killed us and we took the blow,  
But to heteronormativity we won't bow !"

Knock, Knock. The door slowly opened and revealed an elegant woman.

"Hi, I'm Maura Isles from the queerbaiting group and I was wondering if you are going to finish anytime soon ?"

-"We were just about to leave" Xena replied. "Oh, and happy new year !" she added.

-"Thanks, you too" Maura said smiling brightly. "I'm very excited for 2017 !"

-"Oh, and why is that ?" Xena asked while the other members were packing the food and drinks from the buffet.

-"Our show stopped airing not so long ago" the brunette who was accompanying Maura, a certain Jane Rizzoli, explained to the president. "So this is our last reunion. After that, we're off to do what we want" she finished smiling.

-"Yes !" Maura agreed enthusiastically. "What a day to be alive, no ?

Everyone turned to Maura, eyes open wide in shock.

-"Maura..." Jane whimpered, putting her head between her hands in shame.

-"What ? the doctor Isles asked, confused. "Did I said something wrong ?

 

**Fin**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is finally ! The end ! Or is it ? This could turn itno a serie but I'm afraid this would mean that more LGBTQ characters will die in the future... :( But maybe it could mean that some of you have ideas of some topics or characters you want to focus on PM me here or ask me at 69reggaetongirl.tumblr.com. I'm open to ideas (but only great ones lol). No, more seriously, keep in mind that I didn't watched all of those TV shows and that i quitted watching some so, I may not be able to fulfill everyone's wish, sorry. Anyway, thanks all of you who favorited, reviewed, followed or shared my little story. Mens a lot.
> 
> PS : Thanks Autostraddle for the statistical data in this chapter.


End file.
